jiaying. (:
fifth april.

family, friends & dance

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let's chase the summer and forget the world.

it's amazing how my mother dont understand me.
for all she knows every single person i know acts like me and THEY dont get bombarded by their mothers like that.
but i really love her too. I DONT KNOW. i know she's going thru a tough time too. i know she did alot for us. but sometimes she just pisses me off. she just dont understand. shld i be feeling guilty.
mothers, hate them or love them. what can i say.

my life is turning into some sort of crap. nothing has been going right. to start off, my studies are like crap. im flunking. somehow i got no motivation to study, but who knows maybe it is just an excuse. and cca. dont need to talk abt dance. imgettingdisappointedconstantly.how nice it is to get thrown so high up in the air and then smacked down again. i suppose im just not cut down for dance. its just not my thing. im thinking maybe i shall have nothing to do with it anymore after this year. maybe i shld not even try to have anything to do with it. I WILL MISS IT. afterall it has been in my life since primary3. but what choice do i have since i suck at it so much. never mind, it's just a thought. life at home sucks. it's enough with a grandma who's always freaking me out. now my mom wants to have a hand in everything i do. sometimes i think i feel even better talking to MY GRANDMA instead of MY MOTHER. my grandma listens and tell me the right stuff. sometimes SOMETIMES i can even feel her concern. although she's like i dont know what when she has mood swings. my mother. some time ago i wanted her attention. I WANTED. you dont care. didnt give a damn. thinks im too childish and everything i said has got nothing to do with you and is so so irrelevant like im talking crap. now you come along and demands to know where and what and who whatever and stuff im doing and asks me to tell you stuff. no thanks. remember that time i wanted your attention i desperately asked you to listen to me I LITERALLY BEGGED YOU. YOU SHUT ME UP. NOW i dont give a damn. I JUST WANT MY PRIVACY.

i want to move back to northvale and when that happens I WANT TO LOCK MY DOOR. shut the world out. shut all the crap out. and only look at the beautiful side from my bedroom balcony<3 i miss northvale.

myfriends. you are all that is keeping me alive. words of concern that tell me so much. at least i still have you. my friends. who understands. my dancemates<3 especially nymd secfours'06. and my friends(: thankyou guys. i dont know what i would be doing now without all of you. who listen. who understand. who told me everything is gonna be fine. who let me have fun and enjoy myself for a few hours or even mins despite the horrible life im leading. who told me everybody have their own troubles and what we shld do is to look on the bright side. it's amazing how i can always tell people to be positive and i cant do it myself. thankyou darlings<3 i love you all. i really do.